The Move back to Market Street FAQ's
When is all this happening then?
It's next weekend
That's all very well, but when will you open again?
Have you got a lovely poster that I can print and pin up in my kitchen to remind me of all this?
Back to the Future eh? Does this mean you'll be selling time travelling Delorian cars or plutonium stolen from Libyan terrorists?
No. Just the usual lovely local, ethical and organic fruit and veg, wholefoods, chilled and frozen goods, confectionary, household items we always sold.
How will you power all the new fridges and freezers, and the brand new cold store? Will you need to harness the power of a bolt of lightning, rigging up a conductor on the top of the Town Hall and running the wires back to the shop?
No. The new fridges and freezers are very low energy and use the latest Hydrocarbon refrigerants for low global warming potential and no ozone depleting properties.
Will the staff have been irrevocably changed by their traumatic run in with meddling time travelling visitors to Hebden Bridge?
Well, yes. - Alfie no longer plays mouth trumpet and now has a penchant for loud operatic scales while he does the refills. Julie has given up keeping sheep altogether and now operates a home based 1950's hoover spare parts and repair business. Alex is currently considering his future with the Co-op as he has been asked to play kazoo for U2 on their next tour. Kerry has stopped asking the customers to tell her the price of things as she has developed an extraordinary photographic memory. Just try her next time you are in. Shout 'Infinity puffed quinoa 250g' at her and in a flash, the correct price will ping back at you, together with twelve possible culinary and alternative applications for the product. No really. It turns out puffed quinoa is simple to pump into your loft as insulation and has a higher R value than Polyisocyanurate with none of the nasty side effects. But I digress..
Why don't you stay at Salem Mill? It's so nice.
Two reasons. 1. Our shop is really nice too, as is our landlord. 2. Salem Mill is for community use and not for commercial use. It's in the constitution and everything. And even though we are really nice and fluffy, we are still a commercial enterprise. And they are really nice too, so they let us use it for a bit while we had works done on Market Street but now we gotta go. So that's actually three reasons, or possibly four, but heh.
Okay, I understand. So what's new at the old shop?
I thought you'd never ask..
- More shelf space. Products will be better displayed and easier to find. You have my word that the dishcloths will no longer be hidden somewhere in a stack of bin liners
- Herbs and spices will emerge from behind the door so you'll no longer risk serious head injury while you gingerly reach for your star anise. I had plans for cumin and coriander plays on words there too but thyme is not on my side.
- We'll have more chilled and frozen space so products will be easier to see and get at. It'll no longer be necessary to use a crowbar to get to a pack of Clearspot tofu.
- Fresh produce will be one one exciting big long wall of veg. That's all I can say about that really. It's a concept. Phil Spector developed the Wall of Sound. I am developing the wall of veg. I hope you like it.
- We have a new bell out at the front to call us if you need help accessing the shop. We've fitted a handrail and non slip step treads too.
Oh. How nice. Will you be selling any new sorts of things? Craft items perhaps? Glitter? Glue? Stars?
Ah, okay. I get it. Now then, the poster says you are looking for volunteers. If I came to help, what would I be asked to do?
We've a range of tasks lined up.. Packing stock into crates, carrying crates to Market Street, dissembling and reassembling shelves, moving fridges, cleaning.. But we'll have fun too and we've lovely free food available for you from Helen in Hebden KItchen upstairs. If you would like to help, please pop your name on the list at the Salem Mill shop.
Have you got a grand opening party I can come to with champagne and vol au vents?
No, but we are having an apple day with apple juice and, well, apples. But more about that in another post. Cheerio